THIS IS NOT A DATE.
Note that you are NOT ON A DATE WITH YOUR MOM.
This is crucial. Do not treat this like a date. Treat this as a friendly outing.
There are three classes of places: Date places, friend places, and in-between-unknown. Here is a small list to give you an idea of what is what:
Friend places - These are safe:
- The mall : plenty of escape routes
- Burger king drive-thru : windows open, public, goal-oriented
- Driving during the day : as above, very bright outside
- Bakery : very maternal atmosphere
- Grocery store : she must push the cart
- Department of Motor Vehicles (for license renewal) : very uncomfortable, terrible lighting
- Sporting event : lots of distractions, bad lighting, loud grotesque crowd
Date places - NOT SAFE, do NOT go here:
- Drive-in theatre : why don't you just lay together in a closet?
- Burger king, inside : tables are too close together
- Picnic in the park : too personal
- Driving at night : dim lighting, confined space
- Movie theatre : shared armrest, love-scene danger
- Mini Golf : invites the standing-behind-lesson scenario, dangerous
In-between-unknown - THESE ARE RISKY:
The zoo:
- often the animals will be having sex
- too much 'alone time'
- lots of children around
- Soon will be night
- Sunset reeks of romance
- People driving beside you will think you're spending the night together
- A lot of sweating, grunting, gripping
- Terrible view "from below"
- Thrilling experience may lead to emotionally cathartic situations and bonding
- Too much viewing-from-behind
- Might "share balls" -- creepy
- Both in rented shoes
- Who pays admission?
- Who keeps the huge stuffed panda bear?
- Rides = close proximity and lots of physical jostling and body-part-heaving
With these tips in mind, you should be able to have a great, completely platonic trip out with your mother.
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